Never Stop Loving You
by Lyratearsx
Summary: Sirius sits in his cell in Azkaban and remembers... I don't own anything!


"No, I won't let you go," she sobbed

"_No, I won't let you go," she sobbed._

Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat. The Dementors were destroying him, filling him with memories of Sarah. He had loved her so much, so much that he would have given her anything- he would have even gave her his heart if she had asked.

_She cast charms on the door, standing in the way, begging him to stay. Sirius felt his heart break, but Lily and James were dead, and Harry needed him. Sarah would have to wait…_

Sarah had needed him, and yet he had gone, left, for someone else. He was her armour and he had failed her. She had pleaded with him to stay, done her very best to keep him in the house. Sirius groaned slightly and banged his head against the wall. He wanted it to stop; the pain to be gone.

_He barged past her, and she burst into a fresh set of tears._

"_No, Sirius, don't leave, no, Sirius, stop it!" she sobbed as he left. She grabbed his hand, her soft dark skin contrasting against the pale, roughness of his palm. "Take this," she choked, thrusting a necklace into his hand. "It'll keep you safe. Take it with you."_

_It was as beautiful as her, slim and delicate, goblin made and powerful. Made of platinum and set with tiny diamonds, he knew it was her most prized possession, and he looked at her questioningly._

"_Take it." Her breathing was ragged and she was shuddering from sobs. He knew not to accept it would offend her, so he nodded his thanks._

_He could practically feel it buzzing against his skin…_

He squeezed his eyes closed. The Dementors were doing their job well. All around him new inmates were screaming, yet he felt apart from them, distant, trapped inside his own mind with only thoughts of Sarah for company. It was as if she stood next to him. Their last meetings played in his head like a Muggle film. All he could see was her face.

His eyes filled with tears as he remembered her long, dark hair and sweet dark eyes. Her scent seemed to linger in the air, the perfume she had wore since he'd met her. He longed to hold her in his arms, to stroke her soft skin and apologise for what he had done.

_He returned home shortly after seeing Hagrid. Harry was sleeping, unhurt apart from a scar on his forehead, so large and red against the pale, baby skin. But he was safe, and Sirius knew he could return to Sarah…_

He began to cry loudly, sobs racking his body. He didn't want to think about this, not here, not now. He needed to stay strong for Harry, so that he could finally learn the truth. If he carried on like this he would certainly die of a broken heart. And yet he could not stop. Memories were rushing back to him, clearer than the dirty stone walls of his cell.

_He was with Sarah again, ranting about Pettigrew. She held him in her arms, stroking his hair._

"_It will be alright, you'll see," she whispered…_

She had been wrong. Nothing had been "alright". He didn't want to remember the last time he had seen her. It was too painful. But again, the memories filled his brain, until he could think of nothing else.

"_You can't go looking for Peter! You've got to stay here, you're safe here, and they can't get in. No one can hurt you here. If you leave, you'll be at the mercy of the Dementors!" she screeched desperately, her dark eyes pleading with him to stay._

"_I promise, if I don't find him this time, I won't do it again!" he said, distressed by how upset he was he was making her._

"_You always say that!" she laughed crazily. "You said it last time, and the time before that. I won't let you leave!"_

"_Okay," he had agreed…_

If only he had kept to his word! He moaned, feeling as though his heart would break at any second. He had followed Pettigrew, even though he had promised Sarah he would stay in the house. He had been captured and arrested for killing Pettrigrew. He knew he was innocent, but Sarah did not.

"_You lied to me, Sirius!" she howled, clinging to his hands through the bars of his cell doors. "You promised you wouldn't. How am I supposed to trust you now?"_

"_You can!" he exclaimed, holding her hand just as tightly. "I promise you, I never did anything to hurt you!"_

"_It's too late, Sirius. You made your choice. I get it now. You don't love me. Well, you're with your kind now: murderers. I hope you're happy," she wept, tearing her hand from his grip. She walked away slowly, howling into a clean white handkerchief._

"_No, I love you! Please! I didn't kill him!" he shouted after her, but she didn't even look back at him. He felt his heart break all over again…_

If only it had ended there! But no, he had been tortured even more. It had happened recently. His heart raced. He mustn't think about it, he mustn't dwell on the past; he must stay sane for Harry.

"_Wake up, Black," said a guard with a twisted grin._

_Sirius stirred slightly, but didn't bother to move. What was the point? He had nothing, nobody._

"_You've got a letter," sneered the guard, throwing it through the bars of the door._

_Sirius waited a while before reading it. It took a lot of energy to summon up the effort to walk over to the door, but he did it._

_The moment he read the letter he wished he hadn't bothered…_

"I WON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" he bellowed to nobody in particular.

A few doors down he heard an insane cackle, but it was quickly drowned out by screams. Once again, he was left with nothing but his thoughts. They swirled around in his brain, taking over him, destroying any happy thought that could have managed to stay with him.

_Not Sarah, please not Sarah._

_Oh, Sarah, please don't be dead!_

The letter had been from Sarah's father, a cutting of a brief obituary, telling the story of how Sarah had been murdered by Death Eaters. The article had mostly focused upon her exotic beauty, her many accomplishments within the Ministry, how she would be missed.

"_When I die," Sarah had said one cheerful summer's day a year back, "I don't want people to be sad. I want them to celebrate my life. After all, no-one can hurt you when you're gone."_

He tried to feel the way she had wanted, but it was so difficult. He wanted her back, he wanted to hold her in his arms, and he wanted to hear her musical laugh again. In his eyes, she had been perfect and no-one could ever replace her.

His hands closed upon a slim, delicate chain.

"_I will never stop loving you."_


End file.
